Let Them Fall
St. Michael’s School, Grade 2 Neighborhood Projects
There has been a spate of articles from various news sources recently about a somewhat concerning trend involving Gen Z students who, after just a few short weeks in college, have decided to return home. Some are choosing to drop out of school completely, while others are selecting to enroll in online courses. There are a variety of reasons why students leave early, from mental health struggles, anxiety, and homesickness to financial pressures and adjusting to roommates. College is not the answer for everyone and there are likely situations where this decision is necessary. However, it may also be true that some parents, inadvertently and with good intentions, prevent their children from becoming independent by doing too much for them and by clearing their path from all adversity – they do not let their children learn at their own pace or experience struggle, which is a vital component of self-efficacy.
For the past several weeks, our second graders have been learning about how communities are organized and the important places that make neighborhoods function. As a culmination to this unit of study, students replicated their own neighborhood and presented their displays in class. This project has been a long-standing tradition at St. Michael’s School, which I remember from when my youngest son was in second grade here in 2002. His older brother helped him gather and glue wood chips for the roads, and cut and painted milk cartons for the houses. Even though some of his classmates’ projects far surpassed his own -- some even had electrical wiring for street lights -- he was very proud of his project because he had done most of the work himself.
As parents, we spend 18 years protecting and guiding our children so they can one day leave home with the skills and confidence to live successful and productive lives. However, parents must remember that these skills are developed through many years of practice, and practice includes getting it wrong sometimes. Children must be given the opportunity to experience manageable challenges, engage in problem solving, and learn to tolerate discomfort. In short, parents need to give their children space to learn and grow without jumping in to save them because learning requires repetition, and competence develops through experience.
When parents step in to solve problems too soon, children believe they are not capable of handling the situation themselves. For example:
If your child forgets his/her lunch/water bottle/homework, don’t bring it to school. They will learn to resolve the problem or experience a bit of discomfort/consequences, but they will be more likely to remember their items in the future.
If your child does not understand an assignment or a grade, encourage them to ask their teacher for help. Don’t jump in too soon to intervene. It is better for them to speak up for themselves.
If your child has a project or assignment to complete, help them create a plan but don’t do the work for them. A (potentially) higher grade in the short term is not worth the learning lost in the long run.
If your child tells you something a teacher or classmate said or did, listen and affirm their recollection, but don’t assume you are hearing the whole story. They may be misremembering or leaving out some details.
It is a natural instinct to want to protect children from every hurt, but ordinary struggles are important in the learning process. If they never experience disappointment, sadness, meanness, or frustration, they will not build a toolkit of strategies they will need for the rest of their lives. Even worse, they may not think they are capable of handling uncomfortable situations without someone else intervening for them. Of course, we have to use good judgment. We never let children face consequences that threaten their safety, health, or faith. Natural consequences are for the small, recoverable situations.
Parents are the primary educators of their children, and together with teachers and the school community, let us work together to form strong, resilient, confident, and independent people who, when the time is right, will succeed because they have been allowed to fall along the way.
Deo Gratias, Kathy
